Fetiquette – Part One

So what, exactly, is Fetiquette?

Well, it’s a term which indicates etiquette with relation to interacting with others in the fetish/kink/BDSM community. Fetish + etiquette = Fetiquette. Awesome, right?!

There are so many different types of people in this lifestyle, and navigating O/our way through it can be a bit of a minefield sometimes. While standard “vanilla” etiquette applies, there are tricky “kink” rules that should be adhered to as well.

One of the things i’ll be doing on the blog is a segment titled “Fetiquette”. It will be a series of posts addressing various facets of kink, and BDSM. Navigating the “dark side” can be tricky for those who are new to the lifestyle, and my intent with the Fetiquette posts is to help avoid the pitfalls and potholes therein. If there’s something Y/you’d like to see, a topic Y/you’d like addressed, drop me a line and i’ll put it in the lineup as soon as i can.

In this installment, i’m going to focus on the ins/outs of messaging O/others.

Let me start of by saying this: K/kinksters are P/people too! W/we all have thoughts, feelings and emotions. Rudeness and disrespect are not cool.

Before even hitting Y/your inbox (or T/theirs), stop and consider Y/your next action(s). Read T/their profile. What do Y/you see there?

Here are a few of the most basic things to watch out for:

1 – Relationship status: single, in a relationship, poly-amorous, owned. A person’s relationship status is an important thing to take into consideration when sending a message. Take note, and don’t stop Y/your reading there. Keep going. Read T/their profile. The. Whole. Thing. (Yes. ALL of it!) Look for further information about T/their status. Is this person just here to read the writings of O/others? Are T/they looking for something? What are T/they looking for on whatever site Y/you’re on? Does that submissive’s Dom/me allow direct messages, or do Y/you have to contact Them first? It’s a minefield out there, B/boys and G/girls. Mind Y/your step.

2 – Role: Dominant, submissive, Switch… and any other multitude of roles. It’s like a 64 bit colour scheme out there when it comes to how P/people identify. Make note of this before Y/you message someone who is very clearly submissive about stomping on your balls, for example.

3 -Y/your message: While grammar and spelling are both greatly appreciated, most can overlook the lack of either if Y/your message bears a resemblance to something which took more than five nanoseconds to compose. Use Y/your head, and Y/your words. For example, O/one should not contact A/another and say something like “Holy f*ck, your hot the things I would do to/for you” in their first message. While there is a certain subsection of the kink community who LOVE these types of messages, there is an even greater number of people who do not. Putting aside the spelling and grammatical issues, that kind of message is unacceptable on a variety of levels. This isn’t PornHub or efukt. Tread carefully.

If Y/you take the aforementioned things into consideration before sending that first message, i think Y/you’ll be well on Y/your way to starting off on the right foot. Keep in mind… These are merely the starting blocks of Fetiquette when it comes to messaging, but they are an excellent place to start.

Until next time,

Have fun and be safe!

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