Dating is a bitch. Be it vanilla or kinky, the days of going out to a club and meeting someone are not what they used to be. Add in the advent of a plethora of dating apps available to all and sunder, and the old methods just seem… hard. Like it’s too much work to put on a clean outfit, groom ourselves a bit and step outside of O/our comfy little boxes to, Y/you know, make actual human contact.
There were, of course, red flags to watch out for when venturing out to meet strangers in a bar (roofies?), or whatever venue chosen to engage in the social experiment we call dating. Those red flags (well, some of them) are today’s topic of discussion.
No matter which side of the slash Y/you’re on, dating can be equally risky for Dominant’s and submissives alike. Recently, i took a poll on FetLife to see what some of these red flags look like, and a sampling of the reactions i received follow below.
The most common theme i came across? Words and actions or behaviors not matching. One commenter provided the following example: “He worked twelve hours of overtime every week at a good paying union job, owned houses and property, but rents a room and can barely afford bills.”
Another popular reaction related to prior relationships and is one i can relate to having seen in my own dating adventures. All of my exes are crazy. Granted, this one can be true in some cases, but ALL Y/your exes are crazy? Hmm… i’m throwing a flag down on that action. It makes O/one wonder, Will I/i be listed among the crazy exes, too? Seriously though… if all T/their exes are bat-shit bananas, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate a few things (like the dating pool Y/you’re swimming in, for starters). Another thing to consider? The common denominator. Are the exes crazy, or is it Him/Her? If were a betting woman… i’d bet on it not being the exes. Not entirely anyway.
Suspicious behaviour is another one of the flags mentioned. When T/they’re only available to text/call at certain times of the day. T/they don’t answer calls. Can’t see Y/you on specific days, usually weekends. One responder had the following to give as an example of her experience: “Was the guy who said he was single and first time i went over his house was decorated with frilly curtains and very feminine decorations and not a stitch of dust.”
Some won’t see a problem with this, while O/others most certainly will. There are T/those who have a problem with O/others cheating or seeking to keep T/their kink side a secret from a spouse or significant other. And there are T/those who have no problem with it at all. It all depends, i suppose, on Y/your moral compass and Y/your values.
If W/we look more towards the kink side of things, there are some behaviors that scream “Danger, Will Robinson!”
One glaring example of this is when T/they won’t take no for an answer, use guilt as a tactic to convince Y/you to “Just try it. Y/you’ll like it.” and/or have no boundaries of T/their own to speak of. Boundaries and/or hard limits should be respected. Such things are not for anyone to change or move but Y/yourself. It’s one thing for a person to grow, experience new things over time and to change their opinions on what T/they consider a boundary or hard limit. For A/anyone to expect Y/you to change to suit T/their own needs or wants upon first blush is a red flag that absolutely should not be ignored.
“If Y/you were a proper Dom/sub, you would…” This one gets me every single time. W/who’s to say what a proper Dominant or submissive is or should be? As the saying goes… There is no one twue way. There are no twue or proper Dominants. There are no twue or proper submissives. There are P/people and they are as they are, not as any imaginary definition says T/they should be.
Most of what was previously mentioned can be linked to some of the super important things to watch for: dishonesty, disloyalty and disrespect. Relationships are built upon a foundation of honesty, respect and trust. If Y/your potential P/partner displays behavior that is disrespectful, dishonest or disloyal toward another P/partner, friend or family member… Pay attention. Chances are Y/you’ll eventually find Y/yourself on the receiving end of the same treatment.
W/we’ll leave things at this juncture with the topic of Red Flags. Of course, there are many, many more out there and this is simply a jumping off point for discussion.
Feel free to leave a comment below with any red flags you watch out for when out in the wonderful world of dating.
Until next time,