Part Eight – January 2018
“Don’t mention a person’s past mistakes when they are trying to change. That’s like throwing rocks at them while they are struggling to climb a mountain.”
The spirit of the above statement is something i’ve experienced throughout my life, as have many others, i’m sure.
Trying to change something about Y/yourself is not an easy task. It takes patience (from all parties involved), perseverance and a large amount of effort. Especially it the change is to be a successful one.
Depending on the kind of change, it can be something easily accomplished, or incredibly difficult. The level of ease or difficulty can vary greatly from person to person. No two people are the same, and the way W/we process things is equally as diverse.
Over the last year, i’ve been working on a lot of changes. Some of them were easy enough. Others? Still working on it. The P/people in my life have been incredibly patient while i go through these transformations, and continue to be so while i work on the remaining shifts.
There have been a few rocks thrown. But those rocks were, in my opinion, from P/people who don’t understand me, my life and the P/people in it. T/they don’t recognize the struggle or understand the importance of making these changes for me, and for my loved ones.
my Dominants have seen the changes, and applaud them. my F/friends and family (kink and/or vanilla) have seen the changes, and commended me for them. T/they understand the enormity of the voyage i’ve embarked upon.
i’m growing. i’m evolving. i’m becoming the best me possible… and that’s no small thing.
Part Nine – February 2018
Wants and needs. Both are equally strong words in their own right. Life is full of wants and needs. In my humble opinion, it’s important to know the difference. Equally important? Knowing what i don’t want or need in my life.
i’ve learned a lot about myself over the last year, and the journey to self-awareness is not anywhere close to ending. Every day, every experience, brings something new to the forefront.
These are just a few of the things i’ve discovered.
i want to belong, but i need to own myself. Belonging to Another means more to me than being owned by Them.
i want to love and to be loved, but i need to love myself first and foremost. The love of Another is important, but if i cannot love myself, then it is impossible to truly love Another.
i want to be of use, but i also need to be used. The desire to serve lives deep within me, it is an important part of who i am. The need to be used is just as deeply important. Used, a vessel for Another’s desires and pleasure… It’s an undeniable need.
On the flip side… What i don’t want, or need, in order to have any of the above is to compete for them. i am not a competitive person. i never have been, nor will i ever be. The need for competition, in my opinion, smacks of jealousy and insecurities. That shit? There’s no room for it in my life.
i don’t want or need anything or Anyone in my life who will cause me stress or anxiety. i want and need to be loved and accepted as i am. Freely. Without exception or expectation.
i do not want or need to change in order to meet the expectation of Another. Change is something O/one must do for T/themselves in order for it to be truly effective.
i am beautiful. Perfectly imperfect in all of my “me-ness”. There is no O/other like me, and i am unlike any O/other.